Alright, so I already knew my life sort of sucked. Recent perspective has shown me that my life is unbearably boring, but that it doesn’t need to be. I can try to blame most of my problems on where I live, still I can’t. Though I won’t try to defend this place, it is a variable black hole which nothing survives not even microscopic bacteria. It is not just the place that kills but the mindset and attitude that develop. Boredom, loneliness, idleness, loathing, and regret are the standard set of symptoms that plague the youth of my home town. If things here get much worse and they are sure to, we will see the first modern day zombies walk the streets of my childhood. This is why I plan on moving far away as soon as my resources allow, leaving not of vanity or adventure but leaving before I get torn limb from limb by a vicious horde of the undead.
Purpose. It’s such a strange concept. My head hurts just thinking about it. I may actually despise the word, not because of its meaning but because I can not find how it applies directly to me. I can not see myself serving a single purpose and becoming happy with it. Even if I was shown my purpose in life through some sort of life altering spiritual journey, I think I would fail to recognize it. Now, I am not saying that anyone else shouldn’t be happy about finding their absolute purpose or single direction. I just ponder a couple things; How in the world can we really know for sure and eliminate all other paths for the sake of one? Also, how can one single path become so important that we devote ourselves completely to it? As humans on this planet we only live one life and that is it. Think of it as an infinite jar of jelly beans. One jelly bean represents an entire way of life including an education, career, devotions, spouse or spouses, family and everything else that makes up one person’s lifetime of complex decisions and choices. I am far too curious to settle for one single bean. The only thing I worry about is that I may spend too much of my life simply dreaming of all the endless joys in the world and not actually leave myself enough time to experience them. I Must find a healthy middle ground. I admit I am a dreamer (a trait I may never give up) but I know I am capable of doing more than just day-dreaming. I have no idea if I am on the right track, though it seems more sensible to spend some time in the beginning figuring out who I am instead of living to find out that I wasn’t who I really wanted to be.